Nowadays, adults are not the only ones concerned with stress. With today’s hectic lifestyles, more children than ever are experiencing signs of stress.  

Fortunately, kids are resilient. They can learn to cope with the stresses in their lives if they are taught specific coping skills, and if they have a dependable source of emotional support. You, as a parent, are your child’s first line of defense. Start by becoming aware of potential stress reactions in your child.

Many of the top stresses for children are related to school: worries about grades, tests, reports, and problems with teachers. Children also worry about their family members’ health and well-being. Other causes of major childhood stress include peer pressure, issues about personal appearance, friendships, money problems, divorcing parents, or a family move. 

The signs of stress are different for children than for adults, so parents need to be alert to these differences, which also vary by age. Following are some typical signs to watch for:

In Young Children/Toddlers

• Fear of separation from parent

• Fear of new experiences (toilet training, day care)

• Tantrums

• Clinginess

• Regression in sleep, toilet habits 

In Early-School-Age Children

• Not wanting to go/fearful of going to school

• Unexplained physical complaints (stomach aches, headaches)

• Increased aggressiveness

• Regression to younger habits--crying, thumb-sucking

• Bad dreams or nightmares  

In Later Elementary-School-Age Children

• Acting out (misbehaving)

• Isolation/withdrawal from normal activities

• Increased aggressiveness, anger

• Over-compliance or perfectionism

• Fear of making mistakes

• Regression 

In Teens/Adolescents

• Marked change in sleep habits

• Chronic irritability, quick temper

• Fear of trying new experiences

• Fear of making mistakes

• Increased sensitivity to complaints

• Perfectionism

How to Help Your Child Cope

Just as the signs of stress differ according to age, so do the ways that parents can best help their children cope. For toddlers, simply offering consistency, routines, verbal reassurance, and physical affection is usually enough to overcome a temporary stress reaction. It also helps to provide clear, simple explanations when making changes in the child’s everyday routines. Help very young children express their feelings. Use toys, books, favorite songs, or stories to help a toddler connect feelings with experiences and begin to talk about them. You might pretend that your child’s doll is angry or upset about a change in bedtime. Demonstrate to your child how to “comfort” the doll, and then have your child copy your example.

By early school age, children can usually talk about their fears. Listen empathetically and reassure your children that they are safe. If a child is experiencing bad dreams, empower him or her by helping to create an imaginary “bad dream shield.” Suggest that he or she visualize a protective barrier, like a big imaginary soap bubble, all around the child, through which no bad dreams can pass. You might have him or her extend the shield to encompass the entire room as well. 

Use humor with later elementary school age children, when possible, to dispel stress. Demonstrate or role-play coping skills and strategies such as taking deep breaths, counting to ten, or tensing and relaxing facial muscles. Use silliness to lighten the mood, make a funny face, clown around, etc.

With teens and adolescents, it is important to keep communication lines open by being available to listen without preaching. Model positive communication and behaviors. Encourage your teen to maintain proper sleeping and eating habits; this alone may be enough to eliminate minor stress. For bigger issues, have an open discussion with your teen and share how you handled a stressful situation in your life. This will help normalize the stress that your teen feels, and the honesty can help bring you closer as well.  

With your help and a little practice, your child--at any age--can master the coping skills needed to become stress-resistant, both today and into the future.