Just What Are Our Children
Doing Online?

This month's article was written by Brenda Lentsch

They willingly sit in front of a computer for hours at a time, their fingers dancing quickly over the keyboard (Did they take a typing class?), with new windows popping up constantly all over the monitor - carrying on multiple “conversations” in an unknown (to you) language of abbreviated “words.” Just what are our children doing? Where are they traveling on the vast and limitless Internet? Are you curious? Read on. 

At first you were excited and proud that they were using technology to communicate and do research and homework. Then you got a little worried, remembering all the things you’ve heard and read in the media about cyber-problems: strangers in chat rooms masquerading as children, setting up meetings, kidnappings, or worse. Viruses, worms, and trojans; adware, spyware, cyberbullying, identity theft – the list of online dangers goes on and on. What is a parent to do? Should you sit behind your son/daughter and observe their travels in cyberspace? Limit their time on the computer? Install a program that tracks their activity and logs each keystroke? Those are a few choices, but the one that I think is best is simply sitting down, talking to your child, and explaining your rules for safe computing. 

Let’s start with the basics – Instant Messaging (IM). (I’m not going to discuss email, as this is passé with middle and high school students when communicating amongst themselves.) There are many free applications (programs) that can be downloaded to use for chatting online with friends. Most popular among Commack’s students is AIM, the America Online (AOL) version. After downloading AIM, all one needs to do is create a unique screen name (take a look at your son or daughter’s, is it appropriate?), create a password, and compile a list of “buddies.” On my sons’ computer, AIM starts automatically when the computer is turned on, so all of their buddies know they’re online and ready to “converse.” They can “talk” with as many buddies as they like, and even those not on their lists can send them an IM asking if they’d like to chat, which they can accept or reject. If they need to leave the computer (to meet the friends they’ve been chatting with all day or maybe to eat) they post an “away message” informing everyone what they’re doing. Besides online gaming (Xbox Live), Instant Messaging is the preferred online teen activity.

So what happened to a simple phone call? After all, many teens have their own cell phones. The answer is simple – even with conference calling, you can still only talk to two people at a time. With IM, it’s a party all the time. I’ve seen my ninth grader with ten or more “conversations” going at once. Cell phones have their own brand of text messaging, as well. Instead of leaving a message on voice mail, you can send a text message via cell phone. Another added cost each month for keeping in touch, plus taxes. 

This is the communication generation, for sure. Have you heard about blogs? A blog is like an online diary or gossip column, depending on who writes it. There are many websites that offer free web space for anyone who wants to set up a blog. Does your child have his/her own blog yet? Have you visited Myspace.com? That seems to be one of the most popular sites. It helps if you know the name your child is using – the “display name.” Click on Friendfinder, and do a search. Or just search the site for your child’s first name, although there may be thousands of “Jims” to search through. You don’t have to be a member to view the pages, but you do have to register (although it may be bogus information) to contact anyone with a Myspace page. Take a look at the profiles “about me” for a real eye-opening and heart-stopping experience. Most kids are smart enough not to disclose their last names or where they live, but they post pictures and facts (like where they attend school) about themselves that are way too revealing for my taste, especially if your friend’s mother is reading it. I regularly check my sons’ pages, and insist they make changes – then check that they’ve made them. I haven’t gone so far as forbidding them to post on Myspace, but I’m certainly not happy about what I see there. 

There are so many things to worry about as a parent. My advice is to keep close tabs on your children and their friends, online and off. And most importantly – talk to them! Tell them what you think about their actions, and what your expectations are for their behavior. I know of at least one administrator in our school district that has cyber-nanny software installed to monitor his children’s online activities. Do a Google or Yahoo search for “parental controls” for more information. Take comfort in the fact that at least they’re home and not out driving around somewhere!