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“Cyberbullying involves the use of
information and communication technologies such as e-mail, cell phone and
pager text messages, instant messaging (IM), defamatory personal Web sites
and defamatory online polling Web sites, to support deliberate, repeated,
and hostile behavior by an individual or group, that is intended to harm
others” Bill Belsey, a Canadian educator who coined the phrase (from
Cyberbullying.ca)
Cyberbullying has become a common
form of bullying for today’s youth. It is a way to establish power and
control over someone that they perceive as weaker than them. In contrast to
other forms of bullying, cyberbullying is achieved using the anonymity that
the Internet can provide, and with the advent of mobile, wireless Internet
access, this type of bullying has become even more ubiquitous. Because of
this, cyberbullying can happen any time and any place. Some studies have
shown that this form of bullying is preferred by girls.
As written in the article, “Stalked
by a Cyberbully” by Michael Snider and Kathryn Borel, May 24, 2004, “when
kids cruise around the Internet the way they do, getting slammed on a Web
site can be just as bruising as getting slammed against a playground wall.
Through email or over cell phones, tormentors can get right into victim’s
homes, harassing them while their parents sit in the next room….These can be
threats, gossip or worse.”
Cyberbullies use email, cell phones,
and especially instant messaging (IM) to bully. IM chat is now the number
one on-line activity used by more than 60 percent of kids (Snider and Borel),
and has become an easy way for bullies to harass their victims. The bullies
can easily type things that they could not say to the victim directly.
The kids agree. “E-mails are so
much less personal…they are so much less formal and more indirect, and it’s
easier for people to be more candid and even meaner because of that. People
can be as mean and vicious as they want because they are not directly
confronting the person.”1
Things to watch for
- Don’t let your children have
computers in their bedrooms where you cannot monitor them.
- Open communication is important,
starting at an early age. It is difficult to get teens to talk, so
parents must provide a non-judgmental atmosphere.
- Red flags your child is being
bullied: feigning illness, lack of friends, sudden change in grades, fear
of school bus, no interest in being involved at school, coming home with
ripped clothes.
- Signs your child could be a
bully: inappropriate behavior with siblings, real desire to watch violent
television shows or play violent video games. 2
If you or anyone you know has become
a victim, or if you would like more information on this emerging problem,
please call Nan Lancey at the Commack School District Parent Resource Center
858-3538.
1 Cliques, Clicks,
Bullies & Blogs, Rachel Simmons, Washington Post, Sunday, 9/28/2003,
Page B01.
2
London Free Press,
Marissa Nelson, 2003-09-02. |
Parent Guidelines for Sending a Child
To a Party Or Giving a Party
Going to the Party
¨
Know where your child is.
Make sure you get the address and
phone number where your child will be.
¨
Personally contact the
parents of the part giver.
Offer your assistance and support. Verify the occasion and that adults
will be present.
¨
Make sure alcohol, tobacco
and other drugs are not permitted.
¨
Know how your child will
get to the party and home.
Make these arrangements in advance. Remind your child that they are to
NEVER let anyone drive them if they have been drinking.
¨
Sleeping over at a party?
Call parents directly to be sure of these arrangements.
¨
If you are informed that
alcohol, tobacco or drugs are to served.
You should discuss your disapproval with the parents. Explain the
legal ramifications to them. Share this info with other parents, and
of course do not allow your child to attend.
Giving the Party
¨
Plan in advance.
Know who the guests are in advance and
do not have an Open Party. Set limits.
¨
Agree to rules in advance.
No drugs, alcohol, tobacco, party crashers, and no leaving the party and
then returning. Limit which rooms are to be used.
¨
Know YOU are responsible.
It is up to you the adult to make sure all of these rules are followed.
¨
Welcome and encourage calls
from the other parents.
¨
Notify your neighbors of
the upcoming party.
¨
Notify local police if it
is going to be a very large party.
¨
Discuss the party
afterwards. How it went,
any changes needed for the next time.
The law says that
failing to do the above, you:
¨
Are subject to arrest and
criminal prosecution
¨
Are liable for damages and
injuries caused by underage individuals you serve.
¨
May be sued for their actions
and accidents.
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Protect Your Child From Violence - A Resource For Parents
Top of Page
The State of New York has distributed an excellent, concise pamphlet titled,
“Protect Your Child from Violence: A Resource for Parents”. Here
you will find many helpful tips on steps you can take to protect your child
from violence. The pamphlet includes suggestions in talking with your
child, how you can tell if your child may become violent, what you can do as
a parent, and information on dealing with media violence. To get a
copy of this worthwhile publication, call the Parent Resource Center at
858-3538 and a copy will be mailed to you.
Below is an excerpt from the pamphlet.
How can you tell if your child might be a victim?
Parents should not be alarmed if a child shows a few of the signs listed
below. Nonetheless, if you think that your child may be a victim of
violence, encourage him or her to talk openly with you. Plan ways to keep
your child safe. Listen to your child’s ideas about what would help.
-Thinks that (s)he is “no good” or “dumb”
-Very shy and sensitive, will not speak up for self
-Worries a lot
-Does not fit in with other children
-Falls apart when teased or believes things never go his or her way
-Has no friends
-Does not want to go to school – may fake illnesses or make other excuses
-Comes home with torn clothes
-Often needs extra money or supplies for school (due to bullying)
Keep in mind that children who act violently have often been victims of
violence.
Bullying
Top of Page
The following is an
excerpt from “Why Parents Need to Know More…About Bullying”, by William
Voors. For more information about bullying or if you feel your child
has been or is a victim, please contact the Parent Resource Center at
858-3538.
What is
Bullying?
Not all conflict can be classified as bullying.
Children will always fight and argue among themselves. Normal
confrontational behavior crosses the line and becomes bullying when certain
conditions are met. Bullying occurs whenever one or more persons
enjoy using power to repeatedly and consistently harm one or more other
people - that definition of bullying breaks down into three criteria.
1.
There must be
repeated and consistent negative actions against a child.
2.
There must be an
imbalance of power between the child who bullies and the target.
3.
There must be
contrasting feelings between the child who bullies and the target as a
result
of the bullying episode.
Physical Bullying:
Common forms of physical bullying in the early elementary grades include
kicking, pushing, shoving, hitting, spitting, pulling hair, biting and
locking a child in an enclosed space. As children reach the later
elementary, middle school, and high school years, physical bullying can
become more violent, as well as more sexually oriented.
Verbal Bullying:
Verbal threats, swearing, name-calling, and cruel jokes about clothes and
other possessions, appearance, disabilities, race, ethnic background,
religion or idiosyncrasies are all forms of verbal bullying…and is the most
common form of bullying among boys and girls from grade school through high
school.
Relational Bullying:
Relational bullying thrives in a climate that separates and classifies young
people into cliques. Shunning or ostracizing, excluding those that
don’t seem to fit in, is a common form of relational bullying.
Top
of Page
The most recent data collected by the National Education Association and the
U.S. Department of Justice estimates that 160,000 children miss school each
day to avoid attacks or threats made by fellow students. Children who
bully also suffer: they tend to be more depressed and are more likely to
feel that they don’t belong at school than children who don’t bully.
Both targets and instigators of bullying have lower performance and higher
dropout rates than do other students.
Most studies have focused on the emotional toll chronic
peer abuse takes during childhood, but the research that has looked at the
long-term impact is alarming. Peer abuse severely limits the lifetime
career and economic success of both targets and instigators of bullying.
Adults who were targets of chronic bullying during childhood often suffer
from depression, anxiety, social phobias, and relationship problems that
stem back to the peer abuse. Many adults who as children instigated
bullying have continued to depend on this destructive behavior pattern and
have dysfunctional relationships, broken families and increased rates of
criminal behavior.
There are books and pamphlets available at the Parent
Resource Center regarding this topic, such as What to do…When Kids are
Mean to Your Child, by Elin McCoy and Good Friends Are Hard To Find
by Fred Frankel, Ph. D. All materials may be borrowed.
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